Like many medical professionals, I was drawn to the field by the desire to help people. As an immigrant, I was aware of the role inequality plays when it comes to health access and outcomes. I decided to become a pediatrician to make a positive impact on people during the earliest phase of their lives and hopefully play a small part in making it easier to get the care they need, regardless of their background.
Through medical school, residency and the beginning of my clinical career, I worked with hundreds of patients, both adults and children. I spoke with many people who felt alone and confused when they encountered health issues. Many were overwhelmed with the amount of information available online and torn on the best path forward.
But there was no bigger wake up call than when I began to face my own health challenges as a fertility patient.
Today I’m fortunate to be a mom of twins, but the journey to get here wasn’t an easy one. Like one in six couples, my husband and I struggled with infertility. For us, it took four years of ups and downs and unsuccessful attempts before the birth of our twins. And while I started out optimistic, I found that my confidence slowly waned with each unsuccessful month.
The hardest part was the emotional toll of the doctors appointments, labs, and endless waiting. Being proactive, I researched my options and thought through next steps. It was a fully consuming experience—so much so that I planned a getaway with my husband just to get our minds off the fertility journey.
Even when I found out I was pregnant with my twins, my initial happiness was tempered by an underlying anxiety that a miscarriage was looming. It wasn’t until my 20 week ultrasound that I finally allowed myself to get excited. Once I saw healthy twins, I immediately went out to buy new outfits for them. This was my way of letting myself enjoy the pregnancy and reduce my personal stress.
During this challenging season of life, I felt like–as a practicing physician–I should have a lot of the answers—or at least be able to navigate the healthcare system to work through these challenges.
Instead, I was often struggling to find affordable and accessible care since many of the treatments I was exploring were cutting-edge and thus, not covered by insurance. This created a big financial burden in addition to the emotional roller coaster. I also realized just how important it is to find the right support system—both medically and personally. If I found this hard, what about the people who didn’t work in the medical field?
Along my journey, I explored various infertility support groups. I met people in similar situations, and learned what had or hadn’t worked for them. In addition to receiving guidance, I benefitted mentally and emotionally from meeting other people in these groups. Seeing the way complete strangers were supporting each other with tips and recommendations was inspiring. I felt a sense of responsibility to pay it forward, to help friends and patients struggling with infertility or postpartum challenges. More than anything, these experiences reinforced the need for improved patient education.
Teaching others just how long the journey can take, and managing expectations about the potential outcomes, was a major point I felt our healthcare system could do better. Many of the people I met didn’t know they could seek out second or third opinions if they weren’t getting what they needed with their current medical center.
Once I gave birth, I understood I needed to help others navigate this.
Now, more than a decade later, there are still millions of women who want to become mothers struggling with infertility. Research from GoodRx found that one cycle of IVF can cost $15,000 to $30,000, an expense out of reach for many people. While insurance can help, less than half of U.S. states have passed fertility insurance coverage laws, and only about 31% of employers offer fertility benefits. After having a child, many women have difficulties managing their postpartum symptoms.
Here is the wisdom I learned, for those who may feel alone in dealing with their own infertility challenges or postpartum struggles:
Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for specialty referrals.
While they may not have all of the answers, your primary care physician, OB/GYN or pediatrician may be able to connect you with a specialist who can treat your specific infertility, maternal health or postpartum needs. Depending on your situation, it could be beneficial to see specialists in infertility or high-risk pregnancies, therapists or psychiatrists for postpartum depression, physical therapists, or other areas.
Turn to support groups or therapy.
Joining support groups was life changing for me. I listened to stories from other women who struggled with infertility and learned how they coped. I shared my own stories with them and we were able to support one another through this journey, both emotionally and on an even more critical level, with navigating the healthcare system. I loved learning from others about how they were handling things and sharing tips, research and resources with each other. It can be unsettling for some people to share their personal experience and/or emotions, so it’s important to remember you can be an active listener starting out—‚but over time you may become more comfortable with sharing your perspective once you’re more comfortable. You can find resources from RESOLVE, Hand to Hold or Postpartum Support International. Research other options in your area, or ask your doctor or a local doula for recommendations.
Know savings are available.
Lack of affordability drives many people to neglect their health issues. Fortunately there are now many resources to help people save money wherever possible, whether it’s through comparison shopping, taking advantage of savings programs, learning how to optimize your health insurance, or other tactics.
Prioritize self care.
Dealing with infertility can be an all-consuming experience. Sometimes it seemed like it was the only thing I could think about. My family and friends encouraged me to get out of my own head by focusing on things that I love doing, like walking. It sounds simple, but as a New Yorker, walking is one of my favorite ways to keep my anxiety in check. I encourage anyone experiencing infertility to do one thing a day that brings them joy. Write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror or door, so you remember to actively take care of yourself. The most important thing you can do when you’re in the midst of difficult health challenges is keep your self care top of mind. Get rest, eat well, exercise and spend time doing things you enjoy.
Break the stigma.
Even in an era where people are more open about their personal health challenges, many continue to suffer in silence. Be empowered to talk openly about your struggles with others. Not only will this help reduce feelings of personal isolation, you may find your family members or friends have been in similar situations and can serve as a continued support system during hard times.
Advocating for better support for women’s health is a fundamental component of my work. As a pediatrician, I have the privilege of working with the whole family, creating bonds with both parents and children. When moms are healthy and supported, they’re better equipped to raise healthy, happy kids. I’m hopeful for the progress that has been made in recent years, but even more inspired by the communities of women that have been created to support each other so that we all feel less isolated.
Author
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Dr. Preeti Parikh, MD, is an executive medical director for GoodRx and a board-certified practicing pediatrician in New York City. In her role, Dr. Parikh serves as the subject matter expert for GoodRx, helping doctors and healthcare professionals provide their patients with high quality education materials and information about how to get the affordable medications they need. In addition, she sees patients at Westside Pediatrics, is an assistant clinical professor at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, and is an American Academy of Pediatrics spokesperson. She lives in New York City with her husband, twin children, her dog and enjoys traveling. Dr. Parikh graduated from Columbia University and Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, and she completed postgraduate training at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Dr. Parikh combines her passions of preventative medicine, advocacy, and patient education to empower people to achieve their optimal health. She has contributed to many media outlets including Bump.com, Parents.com, CBS News, and many others.
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